Song Breakdowns

Autistic Meltdown - Breakdown:

The piano

The piano is taken from another track of mine still in development, written for my relative and the regret I feel leading up to their murder. This represents the sadness and pain felt during each meltdown. 

I wanted a bit of upbeat sound to represent hiding this grief when out in public, mixed with the sad emotion underneath. 

To achieve this I used Bb Major for the upbeat chords and D minor for the more emotional. 

The drums and bass

 These sounds are crucial in this track, focusing on the 'dark' and 'rage' emotions. They guide the listener through all emotional stages, representing the heartbeat during every aspect of the meltdown and controlling the pace and energy of the track.

Hindi Vocals

There are three vocal pieces in the track, a sample from a Hindi prayer and screams and another of my own vocals. 

The Hindi prayer is called Hey Nath Jodi Hath which is sung at funerals intended to guide the deceased onto the next life. 

I chose this to represent my culture as a Hindu, as well as the loss of multiple family members over recent years. 

I feel this sample embodies all the core emotions of a meltdown: Sadness, Confusion, Anger, Regret, Guilt, Stress and Pain.

I took a segment of the Hindi  lyrics “sachi aapjo” which roughly translates to “eternal peace”. I used a sampler and adjusted the frequency until the segment sounded like the word “ocho”, which in my family's language, Gujarati, means “less”. I used this in a cascading four note progression in different pitches to say “less, less, less, less”.  This was to signify the loss of four relatives. While having this bleak meaning, it sounds upbeat and is used between the heavy kicks throughout the track.

Screams

There are three screams layered throughout the track. One scream conveys the meltdown and whatever triggered it. Another represents the emotions involved. And the third is the frustration of not being able to express what I'm experiencing. 

The final vocal piece was a recording of my own scream to represent past trauma and anxiety from my time in the army. 

Sitar

This instrument I decided to use to represent regret. From a young age I played the sitar and by my early teens I was one of the best in my age group in the country. I quit in order to learn guitar, but I never got the guitar lessons. I lost my ability to play sitar and those years of playing went to waste. This symbolises one of many mistakes I have made and forced to think about during a meltdown. This is why I automated transients and filters to create distortion. 

Breathing 

There are a few recordings of heavy inhaling which are verbatim of the actual breathing that occurs during a meltdown.

Retro-Arpegiator

I used a simple arpeggiated 8-bit sound to represents the youth in me, by referencing old games and how my internal reactions to stress in everyday situations have not changed from childhood.